


Getting To Know You

by Macx



Series: Balance [5]
Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-11
Updated: 2011-05-11
Packaged: 2017-10-19 07:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/198232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Macx/pseuds/Macx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A private moment between Satoshi and his own personal demon, Krad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Getting To Know You

TITLE: Getting to Know You

AUTHOR: Macx

DISCLAIMER: Not ours. Darn it!

Author's Voice of Warning (aka Author's Note):  
English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize <g> The spell-checker said everything's okay, but  you know how trustworthy those thingies are.....

ARCHIVE: yes

WARNINGS: none

TYPE: yaoi

PAIRING: Daisuke/Satoshi

FEEDBACK: empty inbox seeks emails <g>  
   
   
 

Satoshi had found himself strangely demonless in the last two days. Krad had spent more time outside his body than ever before and while it wasn't bad, it was worrying. The blond didn't venture out on his own much. Sure, he could leave his Tamer's body, could go wherever he liked, as long as he returned to recharge when his magical energies waned.

Dark used that freedom, he was outside Daisuke a lot, interacted with the two young men, but Krad was a whole different ballgame. He wasn't shy. Krad was anything but shy! Still, he was cautious.

Satoshi would never have thought he would be worried about the demon. Never at all. Until a year ago he would have laughed at anyone suggesting that he might one day take him back voluntarily. But he had. The decision had been to either see his lover and the kaitou get killed, or sacrifice himself and take his personal nightmare back.

He had decided against his own life, for Daisuke, and for Krad. That he would find out so much about the creature that had made his childhood hell, that he would suddenly understand him, come to accept him, call him a friend... no, he hadn't seen that coming.

It was exactly what had happened, though. Satoshi knew Krad couldn't live without him and he had accepted that he would forever be saddled with him. Become friends? No, he wouldn't have thought that was possible. Still, it was the truth. Krad protected him fiercely, loved him, needed him, and their relationship had changed in leaps.

Now his demon was missing, had only returned for the nights to rest inside Satoshi, and Hikari was officially disturbed by the time the second day had passed.

Daisuke was away for two weeks and with him Dark. His lover had been reluctant to go, but Satoshi had almost bodily pushed him toward the door, told him to enjoy the two weeks, that he would be perfectly okay. Of course, the incident where he had been close to take his life was still quite vivid in everyone's memories, but Satoshi had told Daisuke that it had been a reaction to the remembered trauma of his childhood, the stress and so many other factors. Krad was no longer his enemy. A lot of things had changed.

So now Satoshi was walking through town, wondering where Krad had gone to. It was late and since he had seen neither hide nor hair of his demon, he had decided to see if he could find him. There were a few spots he suspected Krad might be, and finally, after two hours, he arrived at the correct one.

It was the outlook that gave whoever chose to climb up the hill on foot a spectacular view of the coastal region the town was located at. Krad sat on the stone wall, legs drawn up, lower arms resting on his knees, and his wings were out.

Satoshi refrained from groaning.

Shit.

If someone saw him there... if someone surprised him...

No one knew Dark, let alone Krad, was back. Only the Niwas did.

"I can sense someone approaching," Krad's soft voice startled him.

"What?"

The hauntingly familiar face with those feline, golden eyes turned and a smile caressed his lips.

"You look like you're about to yell at me for being here, so visible and all, but I can sense someone approaching. It's a very quiet area this time of the day and not many people come here, so they register."

Satoshi had never known Krad could actually do that and his frown brought his slight disbelief across. Krad smiled a little more.

"I can't do crowds. I can't do it in battle unless the one approaching is magical. And even then I'd need my host. But out here, in this quietness, it's actually possible."

"Still risky," Satoshi remarked, coming closer.

The feline eyes regarded him openly. "I apologize for worrying you, Satoshi."

He sighed. "I'm not worried... just... oh, hell, yes, I am worried. I just wanted to know how you are. You've been a bit distant lately."

Satoshi stopped beside the seated blond and looked at him.

"There's been a lot on my mind," Krad answered.

"Want to share?"

The smile was back, warm and loving and slightly contemplative. Krad had never looked like that when he had possessed him as a child. He had been cold, cruel, arrogant, close to sadistic.

 _So much has changed_ , Satoshi thought. _Like my feelings for him._

"It's been close to a year," Krad said, gazing out over the town again.

The lights were by now all on and darkness was truly falling. A few more minutes, maybe twenty, and the last of the sunlight would be gone. There was only a last orange sliver touching the horizon.

"What is?" Satoshi asked.

"Since you gave me back life."

He froze. Satoshi hadn't really counted the days. Sure, it could be a year by now since they had been pulled into the strange artwork, had found Dark and Krad again, but...

"It's been close to a year since I was allowed to come back, to... exist. In this year you gave me even more than that. You not only gave me your body, but also your trust and your soul and so much I cannot ever tell you how much it means to me..."

Krad trailed off, the white wings wrapping more tightly around his slender form.

Satoshi was speechless. "Krad..."

The golden eyes held an apologetic expression. "Forgive me, Satoshi. I... I didn't want to bother you."

That was why he had left. Emotionally confused, a wave of feelings flooding his mind, the demon had pulled away from his host, trying to deal with something so complex...

Satoshi touched the white feathers, stroked over the closest wing. He could still very vividly recall the sight of them stretched out, blood spattered, broken, and the pain in Krad's face as he received the injuries of a fight Dark and Daisuke were having against their unknown kidnapper.

Back then Satoshi had felt nothing for the creature he had hated for so long. Now... now it hurt to think of Krad suffering.

"Krad..." he murmured and felt a slight tremor run through the appendage he was touching. "You're not bothering me. I was worried. I didn't know what was wrong."

Krad sighed softly. "Nothing's really wrong. I'm just... I..." He made a helpless little gesture. "I never felt this way. I never had this... freedom. I owe it all to you and I can't even tell you how much you mean to me, Satoshi. It comes out wrong."

"I think you just said it fine," Satoshi murmured, sliding an arm around the tense shoulders that were covered by those wonderful wings. "I never thought I'd say that, but... I'm glad you're here today, alive and healthy. I'm glad I made that decision."

"Why did you?" Krad asked.

In the waning light of the day, with the street lamps now coming on, the golden eyes looked strange. They were feline, reflecting the light. Almost frightening.

Satoshi wasn't afraid.

"Back then... because I love Daisuke. I didn't want him to die."

"Sacrifice," Krad murmured.

"Yes. For me there was only this one choice, to take you back, to accept everything that would come with it, even if it meant reliving my childhood or going back to those days. The other choice would have been to watch Dark and Daisuke die, then die at the hands of that creature myself."

"There was no guarantee for survival."

"No, there wasn't, but at least I would give it a good fight and not just go down without even trying."

Krad was silent for a while and throughout that silence the night truly began. Bathed only in the cool, yellowish light of the lamps, Satoshi waited.

"You took the lesser of two evils, but you chose evil nonetheless."

He shot his demon a startled, even shocked look. "Krad..."

The blond looked up. "I am evil, Satoshi. I hurt you. I could still hurt you because now I'm so much closer to your soul than before. You trust me and you don't even know if I keep my side of the bargain."

Satoshi was speechless. "Krad, no..."

"It's been too good in the last months."

"Krad!" he snapped and grabbed him, forcing the demon to look at him. "You are not evil!"

"I am," was the soft answer. "Dark and I are two sides of the same coin. He is good, I am evil. I can only hurt. I can only cause you pain. I did so in the past, I will most likely do so in the future." He was beginning to tremble again. "You made the wrong choice, Satoshi. The wrong choice."

* * *  
 _Ah hell_ , Satoshi thought desperately and just stepped forward, wrapping his arms around the only slightly taller being.

Krad was surprised by the move and gasped a little, but his arms came around him automatically.

"You're not evil," he whispered fiercely. "You're not just causing pain. And you're not solely bad. You're like me, Krad. Jaded but not beyond repair." He laughed softly, shaking his head against the demon. "We're very much the same and I need you. I never thought I'd say that, but I do. Just like you are. No change."

"Sato..."

He pulled back a little and looked into the inhuman eyes that had haunted him as a child and were now just a reflection of such soul-deep pain.

"Krad, you are a part of me. You always were, even back then. I might have hated you --"

Satoshi winced at the desolate look in those eyes. He had actually been willing to kill himself to stop the monster that was his other self.

"—but things have changed," he continued. "A lot. I need you. Dark needs you. And I need Daisuke. I told you before that you're mine and I mean it. I forgot the time, actually. I didn't know it's been a year." He smiled a little. "Shows how much accustomed I've grown. And when you stayed away I was worried... about my friend, my own personal demon. Krad... whatever you were, whatever I was... what we all were, it's the past. It's history. We learned from it, we live with it, but there's no sense pondering over it. Water under the bridge. Gone."

Krad's wings opened slightly and after a moment of hesitation where he gave Satoshi the chance to withdraw, he wrapped them around his host and Tamer.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Satoshi just closed his eyes, feeling warm and so strangely safe in that unusual embrace. He had never told even Daisuke what it was like to be enveloped in white feathers, how much it relaxed him.

° ° °

They came home not much later, Krad again safely inside Satoshi, wrapped around his mind and soul like a warm blanket. Satoshi hung up his coat and changed into a comfortable outfit, then sat down on the couch. The house was too silent for his liking. He truly missed Daisuke. His lover was a vibrant collection of energy, of life, of love. Daisuke's presence was everywhere in this house, even in his absence, but it was no comparison to the true physical presence of his lover. Of a warm body in his arms, lips meeting his, hands stroking over him.

Satoshi sighed and shook his head with a rueful smile. Damn, he had it bad.

// _It's not bad to love so much,_ // Krad whispered, sounding soft and almost hesitant to speak out loud.

/ _/No, I guess no.,_ // He turned his attention to his demon. // _You don't think it's odd me and Daisuke got together?//_

Krad gave him a puzzled look. / _/No,_ // he finally answered.

 _//Why?//_

 _//He made you happy even when you were both just kids.//_

So simple.

 _//Yes, he did. He was the first to see more in me than a tool.//_

Krad flinched a little and Satoshi sighed, coming closer.

 _//Krad... I no longer blame you. Please...//_

 _//You were never a tool, Satoshi. Never. I needed you. Always.//_

 _//I know,//_ he answered softly. // _I know now_.//

He pulled his demon closer, held him, and snuggled back into the couch.

 _//Say, you want to celebrate?//_ he asked lazily after a while _._

 _//Huh?//_

Satoshi chuckled. _//You said it yourself – it's our anniversary. So, you want to celebrate?//_

 _//No,/_ / was the quiet reply. _//This is enough. More than I could ever hope to gain, Satoshi. Thank you//_

Satoshi felt strangely happy at the soft words. It was like back when Daisuke had told him he loved him; similar emotions, though from a completely different source. He would never have believed that to happen either. They had had their ups and down, but everything had just strengthened.

Krad radiated curiosity as a particular thought flashed through his mind and Satoshi had to remind himself that right now his demon was as close to him as he dared to be, which meant picking up on thoughts.

 _//Loving Daisuke...//_ he said softly, _//was the best thing that ever happened to me. Well, aside from getting rid of you at the time.//_

Krad shivered a little and Satoshi hugged him briefly.

 _//Back then,_ // he whispered insistently. _//Only back then. Things have changed.//_

He waited for Krad to relax and then stroked over the soul so very much connected to his own. Krad leaned into it like a cat would; only the purr was missing.

 _//But my experience with relationships was... abysmal,//_ he went on. _//I wasn't like Daisuke. I wasn't able to have such a large circle of friends like him, be social. I wasn't adept at it at all. I watched him with awe. We were together about a year when it happened.//_

Satoshi leaned deeper into the couch cushions and buried in the blanket. He felt a little ripple pass through him and had to smile at the demon appearing beside him, sitting cross-legged on the couch chair. Krad had for once foregone the wings, which was a rare occasion, as well as most of his usual outfit. Satoshi was looking at the rather mundane appearance of a creature he had once feared so much and who, aside from the feline eyes, wasn't really different now from him or Daisuke.

"What happened?" Krad asked, still curious.

"It was too good to be true," Satoshi said, voice wistful. "At least that's what I thought back then. Daisuke had been my secret desire for so long... and finally he was mine... and things looked so wonderful and bright. I was twenty, Krad. Twenty and had a life that I had never dreamed of. I was together with the man I loved and happy. Seeing him with her destroyed that feeling very, very quickly."

"Her?"

"A girl. I saw her with Daisuke whenever I was at the U, whenever I looked for him throughout the lunch hours or in my free time. She was there, laughing, joking, hanging around him." He shrugged. "She was clearly infatuated with him and Daisuke was being Daisuke..."

"You really believed that Niwa would actually do something like this?" Krad sounded shocked and disbelief swung in his voice.

"Back then I wasn't really too sure what to think any more," his host answered softly. "I had never been good at the social things in life, with emotions and feelings and... sharing a life with someone who was so full of energy as Daisuke was. I thought he was growing tired of me... of having me around...of having to deal with an emotionally retarded person like me."

"Satoshi..." Krad began but Hikari stopped him with a smile. "It was what I thought of myself back then."

The demon looked uneasy as if he blamed himself for part of Satoshi's past troubles, and in a way he had that responsibility. He had possessed the young boy, had warped his life, his emotions, his mind, and he had tainted his soul.

Satoshi smiled more and reached for one hand of his former tormentor, squeezing it gently. "Don't go there, Krad. It was my father's work, as well as that of generations of my bloodline. You're not to blame. And as you can see, Daisuke and I are still together. I love him with all I have."

Krad was silent for a moment, then returned the squeeze. "What happened to change your perception of things?" he wanted to know.

A grin. "Daisuke happened. As usual."  
   
 

 _"Satoshi, what's wrong with you?" Daisuke asked, brown eyes firm, mouth set in a decisive line._

 _As much as his friend was an easy and out-going young man, someone who spread so much life and energy and laughter, Niwa Daisuke could be as serious and persistent as the next person. He didn't ignore problems and hoped they would disappear or get better on their own; he tackled them head on. It was something Satoshi loved about him, but right now he was scared._

 _"Nothing," he lied now, knowing he wouldn't get away with it. Daisuke was too perceptive and he knew him too well._

 _"Nothing?" came the echo. "You evading me is nothing? You not talking to me is nothing? You pulling out those hair-raising lies about having to work late and be up early is nothing?" Daisuke asked levelly._

 _"I'm not lying about my work, Daisuke."_

 _Brown eyes glared. "I know exactly what kind of work you're doing, Hikari Satoshi. I live with you, remember? I know it doesn't require you to come to bed when I'm asleep and get up before I wake – if you come to bed at all!" There was a sudden shadow crossing the handsome features. "If you want to tell me that you're fed up sleeping with me, that you don't want this any more, there are better words than 'I have to work, Dai'!"_

 _Satoshi stared at his young lover, mouth hanging open. "What?"_

 _"You haven't touched me for weeks, Sato! A kiss here, a caress there, that's it! What's wrong?"_

 _He felt his emotions rise, felt disappointment and fear and an emotional wave he couldn't decipher swamp him._

 _"What's wrong?" Satoshi yelled. "You and Eri!"_

 _Daisuke stared at him in bemusement. "Eri? What about her?"_

 _"Don't play dumb, Niwa! I saw you together! I saw the way she keeps looking at you with her adoring eyes, how she flirts! You and her have spent more time together than..." Satoshi stopped, jaw clenching, hands balled into fists._

 _He hadn't planned on losing it, but now he was here, right in the middle of it, and the pain was flooding the open gates. He had seen them together, Eri and Daisuke. He had seen her adoring looks, had seen her so up close and personal, and it had hurt._

 _"Satoshi?" Daisuke stammered._

 _"When had you planned on telling me that it's over?" Satoshi whispered._

 _"Over? I... Sato! Eri and I are in the same classes! She needed some help and I tutored her, that's it! I'm not dating her!"_

 _Wide brown eyes stared at him and Satoshi felt his resolve crumble at the honest confusion in there. Daisuke was truly and openly confused._

 _"I love you, Satoshi," Daisuke continued. "I'm not interested in Eri or any other girl. Or boy, for that matter. Just you."_

 _A tremor passed through his lithe frame. Something inside Satoshi clenched. He drew a shaky breath._

 _"Sato?"_

 _The softly voiced question of his name made him look at his lover._

 _"Sato, why? Why would you believe I'd dump you for a girl? After one year..."_

 _"I saw you with her," he heard himself say, his voice so strange to his own ears. "Repeatedly. She flirted with you..."_

 _"I never flirted back," was the quiet reply. "I know she likes me, but I told her I'm already involved."_

 _Blue eyes widened. "You... did?"_

 _Daisuke smiled. "Yes. I'm involved with you, Satoshi. Very deeply. I'm not going to drop you for Eri or anyone else. Because I love you. Deeply."_

 _Satoshi felt another tremor. He had always known about Daisuke's emotions for him in that relationship, sure. He had loved him, too. Still loved him. Very much. But to hear it out loud, that Daisuke had turned down a girl who had been so persistent, told her he was involved..._

 _"You really thought I'd just... end it?" he heard Daisuke ask and there was hurt in that voice._

 _Satoshi looked away. Yes, he had believed it. Because Daisuke had been with girls before. He was bi. Satoshi had never found those relationships remotely satisfying, but the same could be said about the men he had dated. There had been just one person he had truly loved and that person had now been accused of going behind his back by Satoshi himself._

 _For someone so bright, he was immensely stupid, he realized._

 _And helpless, and scared, and frightened of his deeper feelings..._

 _A hand touching him made Satoshi flinch. He looked into his lover's warm eyes, took in the smile that played over the lips he had kissed so often before._

 _"I love you," Daisuke whispered, drawing closer. "I love you." The words were whispered into his ear and the lips brushed over his skin. "I love you."_

 _Satoshi wrapped his arms around the slender form and pulled Daisuke closer._

 _"She's a pretty girl," part of him still argued._

 _"You're prettier," was the light answer and lips brushed over his._

 _"Men are not pretty," he protested before that protest was swallowed by familiar lips._

 _"You're handsome," Daisuke told him when they separated. "Handsome and smart and wonderful. I love you, Hikari Satoshi. Just you, just like you are. I'm not going to dump you for some flirtatious girl. You should know me by now."_

 _Those lips trailed over his neck and he caught his breath._

 _Yes, he did know Daisuke, but his own insecurities were yet to be laid to rest. Even after a year he feared a possible future without Niwa Daisuke._

 _"Sorry," he whispered, hands clenching into the fabric of Daisuke's shirt. "I was stupid."_

 _"No, jealous," Daisuke answered, light amusement in his voice. "It honors me that you think girls are after me, but I'm a one man kinda guy, Sato. You're that man, no one else."_

 _Satoshi was the one to initiate the kiss this time. Daisuke responded. His Daisuke. The attractive, open and easy-going young man who loved him. The handsome man who turned heads without even realizing it._

 _The kiss grew more intense, harder, more possessive._

 _Daisuke moaned as he was pulled flush against the other body and Satoshi felt the evident sign of arousal press against his leg. Desire rose. Desire and passion and lust._

 _They separated, both breathing hard, and Satoshi looked into the smoldering brown depths._

 _His. Daisuke was his alone. He held that love, that devotion, that passion._

 _It made him proud, it scared him, it elated him._  
   
 

 _They ended up in bed, clothes strewn everywhere, and Satoshi looked down into the flushed face of his lover, took in the ravaged, parted lips, listened to each gasp, each plea, as he sheathed himself in that willing body._

 _His._

 _Daisuke was his lover. His alone._

 _He wondered if the possessiveness was a legacy of Krad, but then he pushed that thought aside as need drowned out all other thoughts._

 

* * *

  
"I left Daisuke with quite a hickey," Satoshi chuckled. He pulled the comforter around his body, feeling warm and relaxed. "I think it was to show Eri that there was someone, in a way."

Krad smirked and Satoshi felt a mild case of embarrassment, even now – three years later.

Three years.

It had been so long already? He and Daisuke were together for four years now?

Warmth spread through him.

Four years together.

He hadn't really given it that long. He had hoped and dreamed, but he had never dared to think... to believe... that anyone, least of all this wonderful man he had known since they had both been fourteen, would love him like that. Four years and going strong; four years and living together; four years... and having Dark and Krad back.

The winds rattled at the windows and he glanced at the covered openings. The forecast had been oh-so-right and he hoped Daisuke was okay.

"He'll be okay," Krad's calm voice interrupted.

"Yeah," Satoshi murmured and sank back against the pillows.

They had always been all right. Strangely and unexpectedly, throughout the hardships and the pain, they had made it.

To the here and now.

Back then, when he had thought Daisuke was leaving, was looking for a woman, Satoshi had been ready to let him go. He had been ready to give up on the best thing that had ever happened to him. Now, today, he would fight with teeth and claws, he would do everything to keep this man he owed so much. Daisuke was his happiness. He needed him.

Satoshi yawned and Krad shot him a pointed look. He grinned a little.

"Come back," he only said softly, then felt the tell-tale whisper of a touch as the demon melted into his body and soul once more.

Satoshi left the warmth of the couch and exchanged it for the warmth of the bed, even if he was missing half of the usual equation. Krad embraced him, hugged him, and he smiled as he closed his eyes, letting that feeling lull him into sleep.  
   
 


End file.
